The incredibly corny story of Kaiba’s life!
by I am a Catlover
Summary: [drabble] A very healthy and happy Jounouchi meets a very drunk Kaiba in the bar, and he hears his life story… so bleh… ONESHOT


**Summary: drabble **A very healthy and happy Jounouchi meets a very drunk Kaiba in the bar, and he hears his life story… so bleh…

**A/N**: Catlover: Okay… I'm in a weird mood right now… (Mumbles) must be that candy cane… so just read it :)

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh!

**Warning: **Major OOC-ness and Catlover **_trying_** to be funny. Very scary indeed. This story is not beta-read, so it might contain some slight grammar mistakes. Sorry!

NOW ON WITH THE FIC!

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**_-The incredibly corny story of Kaiba's life!- _**

Jounouchi walked in to the bar with a smile as he greeted some of the few people he knew here from the past. It had been a while for him to come here again, since Yuugi, Anzu and Honda all disliked going to bars. Nonetheless, he still wandered here around sometimes when all of his other friends were busy. Like now.

After greeting the bartender and giving his order ("Same as always, buddy!), the young blond seated himself next to a man who sat slumped into his chair.

When Jounouchi turned to the man to give him a better look, he suddenly gasped as recognized the man next to him. To his shock, the man next to him was no one other than the famous CEO Seto Kaiba, owner of the famous company Kaiba Corp. To say at least, the CEO next to him looked bad. Very bad. His always neat hair was now messy and it looked like the CEO hadn't caught much sleep the other night. Had it not been for the recognizable Kaiba Corp. trench coat, Jounouchi would have thought he was just another drunk.

"K-Kaiba!" The blond yelped as he looked at the CEO. The man next to him, didn't look up from his glass of beer, and instead took another gulp.

"Kaiba…?" The blond tried again as he shook the form of the CEO slightly. "Kaiba, are ya okay…?"

Kaiba suddenly turned all of his attention to him as he stared at Jounouchi intensely. The blond could see that the CEO was not totally drunk, more a little bit tipsy. "She left me…!" The CEO stated simply as he took another gulp of his beer.

"Huh?" The blond remarked dumbly as he stared at the man next to him. He had not expected this answer, and definitely not from Kaiba. He expected that the CEO would not so kindly shoo him away, or not answer at all.

The CEO sighed at the blonde's slow reaction. "Alana Michelle Starflower, my female yami who suddenly popped out of nowhere and _suddenly_ had a relationship with me, left me for Atemu yesterday because she apparently decided he was hotter than me (what is a lie of course)" He paused to take a breath and looked at the blonde for a minute.

Kaiba took another sip of his beer as he looked at the blonde's dumfounded gaze. "She is going to marry with him on Saturday… well… that's if she doesn't decide that Yami Bakura is hotter… poor guy…"

The blonde suddenly shook himself out of his dumfounded gaze, trying his very best to hide his shock. "Well eh… uh… um… I'm very sorry to hear that…" He finished lamely as he stared in the icy eyes of the CEO.

"Don't bother mutt" The CEO muttered somberly as he looked into his now empty glass.

Ignoring the insult the blonde just looked sympathetically at the gloomy CEO. "Aaawwe come on Kaiba! Don' be so dull! She's not worth of you then"

He gave a small glance to the brunette next to him. "Besides" He said as a matter of fact. "There are more fish in the sea! Remember that kind of cute girl you knew from the past?"

The CEO looked back at Jounouchi, smiling wryly. "You mean Sakura Madeline-Claire Greenfield? The girl I met at the orphan, and was **_the only one_** who knows how I was in the past (before Gozaburo), _AND_ who I will most likely end up in a relation with, after she helps me recover my emotional problems?"

Jounouchi sweat dropped. "Yeah… her…"

Kaiba suddenly smirked, managing to scare Jounouchi even though he was still a little bit tipsy. "Heh heheh…" He laughed dryly. "Hell no. I escaped from her clutches just in time. The dumb girl still doesn't know what hit her…"

The blonde frowned. "I don' think I wanna know…"

_O-x-O-x-O …Somewhere Else… O-x-O-x-O_

"Oh my God Kaiba! You're so manly" A girl with _beautifully_ forest green hair and soft blue eyes (that reminds one of the ocean on a sunny afternoon ¬ ¬) currently hugged something what looked like a cardboard image of the famous Seto Kaiba, standing in a _You're-going-to-lose-this-duel-Yuugi_ pose.

Behind the cardboard image of Seto was a little sound box, which made noise every time a button on the chest of the image was pressed.

The girl, Sakura Madeline-Claire Greenfield, sighed contently as she unknowingly pressed her full grown chest against the button. "Oh Seto baby… I love you…"

"Like, Oh my God!1 I _LUV_ you too!" The cardboard image said as the button was pushed.

The green haired girl giggled shyly. "You're so romantic right now… thanks to my amazing help and care you're not a mean evil jerk anymore! …you are now just like you were in the past…"

_O-x-O-x-O …Back to Seto and Jounouchi … O-x-O-x-O_

Jounouchi sweat dropped again, as Seto laughed evilly. "Muhahahahahaha she thought she got me groveling at her feet with her fifed 'Blue Eyes White Dragon', but I showed _her_!"

The blonde sighed, ignoring the crazy CEO. "Okay then… I take it didn't work out with you two…"

"Damn right"

"…But then again, you still have that girl, um… oh yeah… Mari Elise Cleanwater!" The blonde said happily as he rested his hand on the CEO's shoulder comfortingly.

Mari Elise Cleanwater. How _COULD_ he forget about her? It was the only name that Jounouchi knew well. Not only did she have the shortest name of all the girls that took an interest in the young CEO, but she somehow had defeated him in a Duel Monster battle. She had won with monsters he had never seen before… I mean, he was sure that he knew a lot of monsters, but all of those monsters were so much more… sparkly and pretty…? Not something that Pegasus could have created that's for sure… or would it? But then again, he always did say "Kaiba-boy" all the time, and he wares a red suit…

"She died" Seto said simply.

"Huh, WHAT!" The blonde yelled, making a few bystanders turn around. "How… when… why…?" He could only mutter, as the CEO looked bored.

The CEO ignored the blonde's muttering, as he spoke again. "That's right. She died in chapter seven. There was a bullet going my way, but being the good hearted girls that she was, she took the blow for me. It was very strange, because she didn't bleed at all…" He paused looking at his glass. "She probably didn't want to ruin that beautiful shirt she had…"

"Chapter eight was going the be dedicated to the poor soul, and I would have to cry my heart out, saying how great she was and that I will miss her" The CEO continued, as he took another gulp of his beer. "But that didn't matter"

"What! Why not?" Jounouchi asked, his eyes still wide open in shock.

Seto sighed irritated. "Because she still had three sisters left. In chapter sixteen I was going to find out how much I _care_ for one of those three, and in chapter eighteen there was going to be a…" The CEO shuddered. "…lemon…"

The blonde winced. "I'm… sorry to hear that?"

The CEO smiled slightly. "Don't worry, the author has a writers block right now, and she is not going to finish the story. Therefore I'm still save"

"Oh… okay then…" Jounouchi mumbled as a silence followed after that…

…

A _VERY_ uncomfortable silence.

"So… uh… what else is next…?"

The CEO sighed. "I don't know"

Silence.

"So… Kaiba… I wanna ask ya somethin'" The blond mumbled again.

"Spit it out Mutt" Seto said as he took another big gulp from his glass, empting it. "I don't have all day"

"Well…" The blonde began unsurely, letting the mutt-part slide for this one time. "I was wonderin' if ya liked my sister…?"

"No" Seto answered shortly, not looking at the teen next to him.

Jounouchi sighed relieved as he heard that news. Although his sister didn't like Kaiba in the slightest, she still had some of those… _moments_ from time to time…

In those moments, it seemed like she would become another person. Jounouchi shivered. There had been this one week… and in that week his innocent little sister had claimed that **_he_** was too overprotective (which was totally not true), told Anzu that she was a bitch (although he could have sworn that they were best friends before), brought dresses that could have made Mai blushing in shame (which was hard. VERY hard), told Honda and Otogi that they would make a great couple (although that was kind of fun, you should had seen their faces) and fell deeply and madly in love with Seto Kaiba… and… did he mention that she was going Goth too…?

The blonde shivered again. Fortunately, after that week she was all normal again. She excused herself to Anzu and him, ritually burned her new clothes and was suddenly not in love with Kaiba anymore…

Jounouchi shook himself out of those thoughts again, and looked at the young CEO next to him.

Seto was still looking in his empty glass as he decided to speak again. "You know Jounouchi…" He said, for the first time in ages calling the blonde by his name. "…I think that I will stay away from women for a while…"

Jounouchi grinned happily, as the shook his fist in the air. "OH YEAH Seto! Show those ladies who's da boss! Let them come to _YOU_, instead of the other way around!"

"Yes…" The CEO said deep in thought. "No more woman"

"Yeah! Ya need to give yerself a break from the ladies for a while"

"Indeed"

"WHOA! And I thought we would never agree on somethin'. Heh heh! I guess even we could be friendly to each other sometimes!" The blonde laughed happily.

Another silence followed after that, but this time it was a comfortable one…

…

"Jounouchi" The CEO said after a long time of silence.

"Yes?"

More silence…

"I think I love you"

Jounouchi: O.O

_**-Owari-**_

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Catlover: Teehee! (giggles) **n.n** And that's the end of the story. A very desperate Kaiba falling in love with Jounouchi! As you all may know by now, this is some kind of parody for Mary-Sues.

DCatlover: Yeah, we thought that poor Kaiba is the one who get to be the victim most of the time, so that's why he is the main character.

Catlover: Yeah… but please dear writers, don't take this thing too seriously. I don't think that all OC's (or Mary-Sue's) are evil. Some of them are fun. I read A LOT of stories that had Mary-Sue's and were still funny as hell! XDD I made this fic to have a little bit of fun (I hope you'll find it funny too), so please understand that we didn't make this to hurt anybodies feelings!

DCatlover: Yes, and the names the girls have, are thought up by our own minds. We did not use names from other fics. If your character has the same name as ours, than please tell us so that we can change it if it bothers you!

Catlover: Thanks for reading! Bye!

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